i jhust puked up my retainher.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
