TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
