I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
