The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
