i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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