We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
