i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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