Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
