honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
