Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
