Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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