I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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