Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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