Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
