So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize