$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Randomize
