Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
