i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize