Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
