Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
These tits shall not be calmed
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
