I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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