at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
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