this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
