My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
