She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
