even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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