she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
