wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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