You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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