she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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