i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
