I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
