Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
