Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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