I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
