She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just high enough for therapy.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
