I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
