i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
