i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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