Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Enjoy the penises
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
