The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize