If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
