He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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