just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
