Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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