I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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