I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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