I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
