Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We need to get me chipped asap
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
