Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
