she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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