well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
