sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
