you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
