happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Damn victory sex feels great
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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