she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
