she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
