you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sorry about my life...
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
its liver damage thursday
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
