I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
