the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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