hotel room ftw
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I understand Curling. That high.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We are two peas in an std pod
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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