Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
