Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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