He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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