Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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