you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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