Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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