WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
