Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
