nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
