i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
