just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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