I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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