I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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