i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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