And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
