I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
