I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
