the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
