The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
