I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
