Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
