so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
