Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
