I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
