She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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