walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
