I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
