I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
