WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
