ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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