is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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