His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
