Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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