random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
