It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
How external is "for external use only"?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
